


Little Waltzes

by dantheboss



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 11:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15605397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dantheboss/pseuds/dantheboss
Summary: The possibility of staring at one's remains floating aimlessly made him feel warm inside, albeit a little odd.





	Little Waltzes

Tiny specks of dust danced before Jaehyun's eyes; twirling and swirling under the sunlight. 

Earlier, he had seen somebody accidentally knocked a jar and sent the ashes flying. He wondered if the ashes got mixed with the dancing dust. The possibility of staring at one's remains floating aimlessly made him feel warm inside, albeit a little odd. It made him want to open the jar in front of him. Maybe not send the ashes to the ground—he would not make a scene in a columbarium—just blowing lightly at them, to see if they would waltz in disguise of dust. He wondered whether such physical effort would bring him some closure.

His focus slowly poured back to the matter at hands. He cleared his throat, for he had promised to not let any quivering breath out. He needed her to hear how determined he was.

"From those years of being your friend, I have learned a lot. Not enough to understand your way of thinking, only enough to welcome your way of being. You always said I am the mature one in this relationship." He paused to purse his lips. "Well, clearly, I make a lot of bad decisions these days. I don't know. It's been kind of messy without you."

For some moments, silence cut through his words.

"I'm sorry I'm such a coward. I didn't want to risk losing you... but I ended up losing you anyways." 

He chuckled faintly, no trace of humor.

His mouth felt bitter from the words that had died on the base of his tongue. She deserved a lengthy explanation, but his breathing had started to betray his serene façade.

It also marked the last time he ever visited her. He had decided that talking to her ashes every year, for eight consecutive years, did very little to honor her memory. She would want him to move on. So, he packed his suits and booked the last minute flight to a new place. A place where he had to start everything from the scratch—even landing a job without any connection would be a pain in the ass. But he would settle for any kind of pain, aside from this dull ache stubbornly lodged inside his gut. A place which was graced by her presence, even after she was gone.

This was not him forgetting her. This was him learning to take care of himself again.


End file.
